Hoi An

Before I start yapping about lovely lovely Hoi An I realised I forgot to mention something last time. ----> As we walked to catch our bus I couldn't help but notice a pair of brown-drawstring-high-waisted-trousers like none I'd ever seen before, I naturally glanced upwards to discover their owner, who was none other than RUSSIAN HIPPY, accompanied by French gf (this was the guy who whacked the monkey before abandoning our team way back in Phonm Pehn - for those who remember). No more than 5 minutes later we boarded our bus only to meet 2 guys we knew all the way from Fiji. No doubt this will amuse few but me, but all this "small world" business always pleases me. (Though maybe I should really find it depressing that so many people follow so similar a trail).

ANYWAY. Hoi An. We arrived at 6.30 am so tired that we missed the guy holding the "Emma" sign, hopped in a taxi, inevitably pronounced the name of the hotel incorrectly, and ended up paying 4 POUNDS (that's alot in Vietnam) for a taxi to a destination that was actually about 100yds away. Fail. After a few hours sleep we'd recovered and got up to explore the beautifully quaint ancient town of Hoi An. Originally one of the main trading hubs of South East Asia, it has been lovingly preserved (almost) as it was at the nineteenth century, and is now one of Vietnam's main tourist destinations. The architecture is heavily influenced by the eclectic mix of traders who settled here over centuries; the streets wind together Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and French architecture. Lanterns swing from every shop, and the streets are filled with women in cone-hats - so much so that we didn't feel like twats when we wore them, which, obviously, was a deception.

On the very first day we found our favourite cafe - a really nice French boulangerie place overlooking the river, serving excellent Vietnamese coffee and cinnamon rolls. We've been there every day since. It took me a few hours to shake Abi off so I could buy her some birthday presents to open the next morning (she's incredibly difficult to get rid of).

The next day was a very BIG DAY: Abigail's 22nd Birthday!! Hurray!! Started beautifully with an incredibreakfast: toast, bread, jam, butter, followed by poached eggs benedict on brioche, with Vietnamese coffee and fresh orange and lime juice, finished with a small (and frankly strange) platter of fruit. [I talk about food far too much.] Next we went and did the best birthday shopping I can imagine. Hoi An is home to the best tailors in the world, and it took us a while to work out which of the hundreds of tailors we should employ. With the internet as our guide we chose Yaly - though supposedly the best in town a suit only set me back $85! A SNIP. We bought Abi her birthday suit (get it) and that was actually cheaper (due to fabric) at $75. Though wonderful, in reality the tailoring process is quite stressful. Faced with an endless series of questions it was very difficult to be decisive about anything: colours, fabrics, cuts, length... single or double cuff? slit or pleat? how many buttons? what colour lining? In my ignorance I was very flustered, tired, and anxious. My tailor Luna's excellent English and reassuring smile, however, gave me faith. After all the decision-making we had to be measured, which we found embarrassingly funny in front of the terribly dignified tailors who are no doubt used to a classier clientele. Poor Luna kept telling me to "stand up straight", and the language barrier was rather stretched as I struggled to explain my ridiculous back, and my wonky hip. LOL. All this was knackering, and took most of the day.


By the time we were finished it was time to don our gladrags and meet the lads for dinner. Had an awesome Vietnamese before finding a bar on the riverside where we sipped fresh beer (brewed on the premises and a bit of a gamble - 4000 dong (14.3p) a glass). It was deathly quiet and we were pretty pessimistic about finding some life, lash and lols for Abi's birthday. We wandered through desterted streets, came across the smallest bat I've ever seen, and eventually found a relatively lively bar. I think Mike's words were "every white person in Hoi An is in here". We had some good chat, and some good gin, before they finally kicked us out at 2am.


The next day we headed back to Yaly for our fitting. Given that they'd been made within 24 hours I had slight apprehensions that I might be exploiting someone somewhere, but the suits were so beautiful that I quickly brushed my Westerners' guilt aside. (Topshop is no doubt worse). They really were amazing, better than I'd expected, especially the attention to detail. We went for food and downtime before returning late afternoon for our final fitting. I was so excited that I went slightly overboard and ordered a load more stuff - and spent the rest of the evening justifying it to myself: "it's just so cheap", "I'm only gonna have to buy work stuff anyway", yadayadayada... Met the boys for a curry the same evening and heard all about their new swanky stuff.

The next day Abi was ill, so Rach and I went off alone to say goodbye to the lads. Before we waved them off we had time to explore the market, and learnt some excellent skills from Joe and Mike who bartered hard for pearls. Abi was still ill that evening so Rach and I had to eat alone.Terribly strange; we haven't eaten without Abi for literally months, and, we felt the loss of Joe and Mike all the more.

We spent the next few days grabbing some bargs, and seeing the sights. Saw an ancient house, a lovely temple, and, of course the JAPANESE COVERED BRIDGE (Hoi An's pride and joy). We also ticked some boxes: bought some cone-shaped hats, and caught a cyclo round town.

I'm yet to mention, though you may have noticed my panic on facebook (free wifi in the hotel allows me to be embarrassingly fb-active), that I was attacked by a case of THE HIVES. I first noticed a slight red rash on my neck (or, rather, Rachel did) on the evening of the 14th. Initially I assumed it was some sort of heat rash that would soon dissappear. I was wrong. During the night it took over my body and spread like wildfire. By 2am I was covered in a fast-moving, hot and itchy rash. I messaged Dr Coops in panic, but managed to diagnose myself (an allergic reaction to something), and prescribe antihestimines before she got the chance to answer (who needs a GP for a mother when you have google). This seemed to work, and in the morning it had all but gone. In the evening, however, it was back with a vengence - and this time IT SPREAD TO MY FACE. I felt like screaming when I looked in the mirror (for some reason rashes scare me more than other stuff). During this time Abi made some investigations and informed me that this would probably last weeks. I despaired. Taking the piss, though, it was actually totally gone by the morning, and hasn't been back since. Massive drama queen (though I have to say I think Rachel would have cried under the same circumstances).

Today was our last day in Hoi An; we made our final purchases on the market before enjoying a splendid cooking course - learnt how to make Grilled ocean fish (mackrel) in Banana leaf, Spring Rolls, and a Beef Salad. There were 8 of us in the class altogether-a very nice bunch.

Tomorrow we fly up to Hanoi (couldn't face the 16 hour bus ride). Probs only one more blog to go. Well done for reading!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Click here for Joey B's superb blog!

Nha Trang

We arrived in Nha Trang and soon realised it was way more built up than Mui Ne, and definitely designed for tourists (no doubt due to the glorious long white sandy beach). It didn't take us long to hear that, notorious big names, and MASSIVE LADS, Joe Baylis and Mike Rowell were in town. We found them lounging on a very swanky beach, sipping smoothies, and rubbing sun cream into each others' backs. Spent a good few hours catching up before we were scolded by Abi and Rachel, and did our best to curtail the Durchat (Rach coined that). After a nice day on the beach Joe and Mike showed us around town. They'd been in Nha Trang nearly a week already, and had plenty of lashtastic stories, as well as expert local knowledge. After a good curry, we hit a few bars, had some beers, some buckets, enjoyed a good game of jenga, before heading to a club on the beach where we mostly started at western men and their prostitutes. I also recall Mike trying to teach Joe some sort of pistol dance, and failing miserably.

The next few days went much the same way. We had very easy days lying on the beach sipping coconut milk straight from the coconut, and watching the locals fly amazing kites. The second night we ate at a very interesting Vietnamese restaurant. A plastic-chair-place (that means that actual proper Vietnamese people eat there) where the menu included three different types of deer, hedgehog, mountain cat, wild boar, and a massive selection of fish. While we were eating we heard one couple refusing to pay as they "didn't want to eat food that had to be hammered" - it appeared they'd been served snails with a hammer. Nevertheless we had a very very nice dinner. Apart from Mike that is, who had the mountain cat. Served literally boiling hot on a gas stove he stirred the stew very suspiciously. He gave it a very good go, but couldn't help being put off by the fur floating around and the tiny (but lots of) bones in the meat. Joe had more success with wild boar, which we all decided tasted very much like herby sausages. We played it much more safe and got massive tiger prawns, and calamari - can't go wrong. After dindins we found a very nice night market, and had a wander about.

We spent our last day on the beach before we all boarded a BANTER bus up to Hoi An overnight. Were very impressed by the beds, although the position of mine on the bus meant I was deprived legroom, and couldn't stretch my legs for the entire 11 hour journey. Arguably, though, the boys had much more to complain about, as these "beds" are def not built for the Western Man. Was a pretty good, if very very bumpy, ride. Rather thrilling too as the driver very much enjoyed overtaking on sharp bends on the mountain side - lots of sharp intakes of breath.

Almost done. Tomorrow: Hoi An.
xxxxxx

Ok, true to form, I have lots of drivel to write. Nice as I am I've decided to break it down into chunks for you - in particular to brighten up the days of all those revisers out there (that's you Kate). O yeah, and there isn't that much more to come, so I'm sure you're glad to savour it.

So here's Vietnam South Central Coast: Chapter One:

Mui Ne

We were relieved to arrive at our hotel in Mui Ne without a hitch. We'd just checked in when, to my great surprise, SAGGY AND BOB strolled out of our hotel. Bumping into them for the third time was very surreal (for those who missed it these are Durham folk who I also came across in New Zealand - TWICE). It took a few minutes for us to catch up before they went off to grab food; unfortunately they headed up the coast the next day so that was all I got to see of them.

We had a very nice couple of days in Mui Ne: hailed in the LP as the "best all round beach in Vietnam". The LP slightly let us down again, though, as our hotel actually didn't have a beach when the tide was high. Though the view from the pool of the South China Sea and the Vietnamese fishermen in their little round boats more than made up for it. We spent most of our time sunbathing, although we did venture out to see the local sand dunes. I was the only one determined enough to want to bother trekking to the top of one of the dunes to sledge down it. Feeling very lightheaded at the top, and without back-up from Abi and Rachel (who were watching, and no doubt laughing, from a distance), I changed my mind when I saw how steep (pretty much vertical) the slope was, and tried very hard to back out. But the kid who'd sold me the plastic sheet (my sledge) was having none of it; he pulled me to the edge, piled sand on the plastic, ordered me to sit down, and pushed me. Naturally I screamed, flew half way down the slope, lost my balance, lost the plastic, and tumbled the rest of the way. Very fun though. Only drawbacks being the walk back up, and the time I had to put in scrubbing sand off (literally) every inch of my body.

We also had one of the best meals we've had all trip in Mui Ne. We went to a shabby-looking-plastic-chair joint on the beach and, for the price of a McDonalds, had incredible prawns and the best calamari I've ever tasted before getting stuck into a very ugly (but very good) lobster - was a bitch to take apart - none of those little plier things. All to the sound of the sea in the background. LOVELY.

We spent our last night/morning in Mui Ne getting very very excited about the election (as I'm sure you're all aware), before we hopped on another bus up to Nha Trang.

Was very excited when we boarded to find it was one of the sleeper buses we'd heard so much about. It literally took seconds for Rachel to refer to the Harry Potter night bus. The bus had aisles of bunk-beds rather than rows of seats, and was surprisingly comfortable. An hour out of Mui Ne I was tucked in, with Now 75 blasting in my ears, happy as larry... until the bus broke down. BRILLIANT. Black smoke billowing from the engine we decided it was best to get off and stand on the road. For half an hour we watched all the male passengers stare at the engine, and the oil that was leaking out of it, as if they knew what was going on. The driver stood over the oil smoking a cigarette (while the Westerners huffed and puffed) before he brought out a pathetic and decrepit tool box. We began to despair: we had no phone signal and seemed to be on the road to nowhere; the driver gave no signal that another bus was coming, and it was looking very very unlikely that he'd be able to fix anything. After half an hour in the heat we watched in astonishment as he cut a small piece of plastic, shoved it into the leak, started the engine, and gestured for us to climb back on board. We should never have doubted him, it became very apparent that this happens all the time, and the rest of the journey went without a hitch.

More tomoz. xxxxx

We spent about a week, mainly doing nothing, in Sihnoukville on the South Coast of Cambodia. At $8 a night between us we found it pretty hard to leave; it's surprisingly easy to adapt to a bed with no mattress and a toilet that doesn't flush (don't worry, there's a nice bucket that you fill with water and chuck down the toilet). In Sihnoukville we found the most backpackers we'd seen in Cambodia - an incredible amount of gap yah types. You know the breed: ridiculous voices, salmon pink trousers, Aladdin waist coats, pastel pink RayBan's, and a constantly affected cigarette in hand. One girl was literally called Lucius. We actually heard someone outside our room, drunkenly SHOUTING to her friend: "it's just SO weird, I'm used to being the posh one at home, and here I'm just so normal. It's just so weird. I thought I was posh". No joke. There not all bad though, and its not as though we're really any better - we're pretty much following the same route, and at this point we too are relying heavily on "Mummy and Daddy".

WATCH ME

SIHNOUKVILLE -------> SAIGON

So after days and days of the beach we finally booked a bus to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam (if you're super cool like me you call it "Saigon". The first 4 hours of the journey went rather smoothly, though not literally as the Cambodian roads are ridiculous, and also my seat wasn't really attached to anything, but we were happy listening to music we'd had added to our ipods (Now 75 - who is this Justin Beiber???). After 4 hours we reached Phomn Pehn, and we got off, assuming that we were changing buses. It soon became apparent, however, that there was no bus. The manager had double-booked the bus, and said he had no way to take us any further. BRILLIANT. There were about 15 of us altogether and we all started kicking up quite a fuss. He began saying that he could get us another bus, but we'd all have to give him a load more money. We were having none of that. The Brits in particular got very principled, everyone started talking about trading standards and customer service - the Cambodians blatantly didn't have a clue what we were talking about. Negotiations really took a turn for the worse, and we were told that he would only take us as far as the Viet border, and we would have to make our way from there. All of a sudden the (so far) quiet, and quite enigmatic, small Argentenian man, violently kicked the man's desk. Scared the shit out of the rest of us - the Cambodian manager said he was calling the Police, and went to hide in his office. While all this was going on I absent-mindedly looked down to my right, and saw what I initially though was a very strange dog. Milliseconds later I realised it was, in fact, the biggest monkey I'd ever seen. I pretty much screamed - drawing attention away from the angry Argentinian - and then the Russian hippy (who's food the monkey was eating) came towards me with a huge bag, and (in Mark the teacher's words) "fucking TWATTED the monkey"). It snarled and ran towards a very scared Abi before jumping into a building and scampering away. I've got pretty used to seeing monkeys about, but this one was mental, though I think the Russian was more scary. At this point we realised that we had really burnt our bridges with the bus company; manager guy was indignantly arguing that he knew English, and why didn't we speak Cambodian. Russian hippy and his French girlfriend abandoned the fellowship and went their own way, while the rest of us started panicking that the border would close before we got there. A tuk-tuk driver chipped in (there'd been a whole gang watching the saga for the last hour-and-a-half), saying he knew someone with a minibus who would take us as far as the border. HURRAY!. Just before the bus turned up we gained a very quiet, calm, and remarkably tall, Japanese man, who we took under our wing. We all managed to get a good proportion of our money back from the angry Cambodian - he seemed extremely happy to be rid of us. When the mini bus turned up we were short by two seats, but no one considered this a problem as we were all used to seeing Cambodian cars crammed full (normally they have the boot open and 3 people sit cross-legged in the boot), and we were very happy to be on our way!

4 hours later we reached the border, and our team marched out of Cambodia and into Vietnam. There were 12 of us: Mark and Jade a young teacher couple who live and work in Saigon (for all intents and purposes our leaders), 3 British backpacker girls (one of which was from REDDITCH), Martina (a Swiss choclatier), Jan (enigmatic chap), angry Argentinian, and quiet Japanese guy. The Cambodian departure official was very amused to see a gang of Westerners with no bus. We were out of Cambodia relatively fast. Principled as ever, however, it took us forever to get into Vietnam, as we refused to grease the palm of the immigration guy. We waited 45 minutes while those who knew better just pushed past us with wads of cash slipped in their passports. Eventually we got to the other side, and found another minibus, with, obviously, not enough seats. We spent the last hour and a half chatting jubilantly all the way. We arrived in Saigon, Mark and Jade helped us all find places to stay, and we ate a delicious victory meal, and had a beer.

Yesterday we had a great day exploring the city. Started off at the War Remnants museum - originally named the American atrocities museum, and you can see why - the main theme was "we hate America". Endless harrowing photos - the pictures of those whose mothers had been contaminated with Agent Orange were perhaps the worst. Next we headed to Notre-Dame, and the old colonial post office, before wandering around the shops. Mostly we just enjoyed seeing the city: people in Vietnam literally wear those wooden cone-shaped hats! I've never ever ever seen so many motorbikes. I get an adrenaline rush every time I cross the road (not in a good way); there's no way to cross but to walk very slowly so that the motorbikes can whizz past and avoid you. Its like moving through a school of fish. This afternoon we're catching a bus up to Mui Ne on the coast - hopefully more successful than our last bus trip.

This time in 3 weeks I'll be home! Its pretty ridiculous that we're no longer going to Thailand, but the adults at home are terribly worried, plus we've kind of run out of money anyway.

LOVE xxxxxxx